Monday, November 28, 2005

What is it with Chuck Norris

First off we all realize that Chuck Norris is a bad ass but really it's 2005 how old can you be and still be a bad ass...
Well the answer lies here in the top 36 facts about Chuck. After reading this I guarantee you will know why he's still the worlds toughest man.......

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Twoseconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you inthe face.
2. MacGuyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, butChuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his footbroke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he getsthe information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris broughta stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind thecrew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he takethaway.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people whohave felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick relateddeaths have increased 13,000 percent.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order aretrademarked names for his left and right legs.
10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."
12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms andincludes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norrishas not had to pay taxes ever.
13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only anotherfist.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, andChuck Norris.
15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Deloreanto go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him witha scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, whichyears later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditatingin peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The onlytime he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left,right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world thatsometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures ChuckNorris allows to live.
21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.There were no survivors.
23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norriscould use to kill you, including the room itself.
24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a gameof tennis.
26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That'sChuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was thethird girl he had slept with.
27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. Atnight.
28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put upwith lactose's shit.
30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he'spushing the Earth down.
32. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
33. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
34. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFKassassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with hisbeard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
35. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see ChuckNorris you may be only seconds away from death.
36. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like ChuckNorris.